If you’re in a leadership role, especially in the C-suite, HR, or as a DEI professional, you will have seen firsthand how divisive the conversation around trans rights currently is. It’s not just a social issue anymore; it’s a workplace issue. Conflicts between employees with differing views create tension, and how you handle these strong differences in opinion can severely disrupt the harmony of a workplace.
Many leaders and managers I have spoken to feel caught in the middle, unsure how to manage these discussions without alienating people on either side. So in this blog post, I want to explore how you can engage in these conversations in a way that fosters understanding rather than deepening divides.
I was recently inspired by Justin Lee’s book, Talking Across the Divide. Justin was born into an evangelical Christian family but at the age of 18 realised that he was gay. That led him to have to learn how to communicate with people with diametrically opposed views. His approach isn’t about forcing agreement, it’s about finding common ground, lowering defensiveness, and encouraging real dialogue.
In my keynote speeches about creating more LGBTQ-inclusive workplaces, I talk about Social Identity Theory. Developed by Henri Tajfel and John Turner in the 1970s, this theory explains how people categorise themselves and others into groups, leading to in-group favouritism and out-group bias. This theory is important in understanding why debates around trans rights and gender-critical perspectives are so polarised because, for many people, their beliefs are deeply tied to identity, belonging, and social validation rather than just abstract opinions.
While Lee doesn’t explicitly mention Social Identity Theory, his work is deeply connected to it. Understanding how people’s beliefs are tied to their sense of belonging can help us navigate workplace conflict more effectively.
Why These Conversations Are So Hard
In today’s polarised climate, people don’t just hold opinions; they see their beliefs as part of who they are. This is why debates about trans rights can feel so personal and emotionally charged.
According to Social Identity Theory, people instinctively divide themselves into groups. Once they’ve aligned with a group, whether that’s trans advocates or gender-critical feminists, they feel a strong loyalty to it. Any challenge to their beliefs feels like a challenge to their very identity.
So when a debate about trans inclusion happens in the workplace, it’s not just about policies—it’s about who people believe they are and where they belong. That’s why logical arguments alone won’t work. If someone feels they’re being asked to betray their “team”, they’ll resist, no matter how many facts you present.
How Leaders Can Facilitate Meaningful Conversations
Instead of trying to “win” debates, we need to focus on de-escalating tensions and fostering productive conversations. Here are some suggestions on how to do that:
1. Shift the Goal from Winning to Understanding
Your role as a leader isn’t to convince employees to take a particular side, it’s to create an environment where people feel heard and respected.
- Encourage curiosity over confrontation. Instead of employees arguing over who’s right, encourage them to ask questions and listen.
- Set the tone. If leaders model open-mindedness, employees will follow. If you treat these conversations as battles, so will they.
- Recognise that change takes time. Nobody abandons deeply held beliefs overnight, but they do evolve when given space to reflect.
Instead of: “You need to accept this policy - end of discussion.” - Try: “I know this is a sensitive topic. Let’s talk about how we can create a workplace where everyone feels respected.”
2. Understand Where People Are Coming From
When employees express strong opinions on trans issues, it’s often because of personal experiences or fears. As a leader, your job is to understand those concerns rather than dismiss them outright.
- A gender-critical employee might worry about safety in women’s spaces. Instead of calling them bigoted, acknowledge their concerns and talk about solutions that balance inclusion and safety.
- A trans employee might feel exhausted from constant debates about their existence. Instead of assuming they should “just explain their perspective,” recognise that they may already be emotionally drained.
- A conservative employee may feel like their beliefs are under attack. Instead of shutting them down, encourage discussion in a way that doesn’t make them feel personally threatened.
Instead of: “That’s transphobic.” Try: “I hear that this is a concern for you. Let’s talk about how we can address it in a way that ensures dignity and respect for everyone.”
3. Find Common Ground
One of the best ways to lower defensiveness is to highlight shared values.
- Everyone wants fairness. Positioning trans inclusion as an issue of fairness can make it more relatable.
- Everyone wants safety. If employees fear losing protections, talk about ways to make sure everyone feels secure.
- Everyone wants dignity. When discussions are framed around mutual dignity rather than one side “winning,” they become more productive.
Instead of: “Trans rights are non-negotiable.” Try: “Let’s talk about how we can ensure fairness and dignity for all employees.”
4. Use Stories, Not Just Facts
Most people aren’t persuaded by statistics - they’re moved by human stories.
- Instead of citing policies, share real-life examples of workplaces that have successfully navigated trans inclusion.
- Highlight individual trans employees’ experiences—how a supportive workplace helped them thrive.
- Encourage employees to share their own perspectives in a structured, respectful way.
Instead of: “Studies show that trans inclusion benefits companies.” Try: “Let me tell you about a workplace where trans inclusion improved morale and teamwork.”
5. Keep the Door Open for Future Conversations
Attitudes don’t shift overnight. The goal is to create a culture where these discussions can continue without hostility.
- Set up ongoing DEI discussions that address concerns from all sides.
- Create policies that are clear but flexible, leaving room for growth and adaptation.
- Make it known that your door is open - employees should feel safe bringing their concerns to leadership.
Instead of: “We’re done discussing this.” Try: “This is an ongoing conversation, and we want everyone to keep learning from each other.”
Final Thoughts: Leading the Conversation, Not the Fight
The reality is, that trans rights debates aren’t going away. But as a leader, you don’t have to let them turn into toxic workplace battles. By shifting the focus from winning to understanding, using stories instead of arguments, and highlighting shared values, you can foster a workplace culture that welcomes respectful dialogue rather than division.
And if you want to take this conversation further? I specialise in helping leaders navigate these discussions with confidence. As a speaker, I bring practical strategies, real-world examples, and a conversational, engaging approach to the table. If you’re looking for someone to guide your team through this during Pride Month (or beyond), let’s talk.
#RikkiArundel #PrideSpeaker #GenderSpeaker #TransInclusion #DEIStrategy #Leadership #WorkplaceCulture #LGBTQInclusion #HRLeadership #InclusiveWorkplaces #DifficultConversations
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